The Second Time Around

“Seven Tips For Your Perfect Second Wedding”

By Channing Estell

It is simply a fact in our modern society that some of us may have more than one wedding. Whatever the reason for this, a wedding should still be a joyous time of happiness, smiles, laughter and lots of flashes...whether it be your first, second...or third.

Thankfully, subsequent marriage ceremonies are no longer bound by the restrictions they once were, and brides have the freedom to go contemporary, traditional, understated or all out glamorous- just as any first time bride would. That being said there are a few rules that should still be followed concerning second marriages. Some are written in stone, some are just common sense and some of these, you will see, simply serve as answers to some often puzzling questions concerning your second time around.

ONE
Announce the wedding first to your children, then to your parents, your ex-spouse and his parents, if you have children from your previous marriage. I know, what you may be thinking…but, this is the proper thing to do, and better they all find out from you instead of your children or someone else telling them. Next let your friends and extended family know about your big day.

You may also choose to announce your engagement on an internet site(s) or in your local newspaper, this is acceptable for a second time bride as much as it is for a first time, and is simply a matter of personal preference. Remember to use whatever name you are legally using at the time and that people know you as. In many cases this may still be your formerly married name, and if so use that for any formal announcements or invitations...before hopefully ditching it for good.

TWO
Decide on when and where - this could be the wedding you have always wanted and could not have the first time around. Maybe you love the beach and want to tie the knot with your feet in the sand or at a fabulous resort or chapel by the sea.   If you went the traditional route the first time, think about something bolder and more personable to you and your future husband’s taste. This goes for both your wedding and reception. Be brave and “think outside the box”. Imagine what you want and then consult your wedding planner or professionals to bring it all together.

THREE
If you’re the bride, wear any color or length dress you choose - white is no longer only for first-time brides, however most wedding professionals agree that the veil and train are considered appropriate only for first time brides so you may want to leave those at the bridal shop. Everything else attire wise is simply a matter of what works with your time, place, and overall style so have fun and wear what “really” fits you.

FOUR
Choose any traditions from a first-time wedding that you desire. A second-time bride can still engage in the cake cutting with her husband or share a first dance. Garter tosses and thrown bouquets are still cool too so feel free to follow traditions… and your heart.

FIVE
Include the children and make them feel an integral part of the new marriage. Give them special roles in the wedding, such as greeting guests, escorting down the aisle or reading poems or scripture.
One of the most negative things anyone can do when entering into a subsequent marriage is to alienate any children affected by not making them a part of the wedding festivities.
Many couples include the children in their vows as part of second marriage ceremonies. This is a positive and caring gesture that will often make you, your spouse, and any children concerned feel much happier and more open about you and your spouse as husband and wife. 

SIX
Invite your ex-spouse if you want to, as long as your partner is comfortable with it...and really he should be. Secure men shouldn’t really get bothered by that kind of thing when it is all part of doing the right thing for your children. This also means you invite his ex though... and that you should be -or act- comfortable with this too. They may very well decline anyway, and just so no one feels pressured to come, give them an easy out by telling them that if he or she feels uncomfortable about attending, you will understand if they choose not to. Let it be their choice and make sure they know that the primary reason you are inviting them is because of your concern for their child or children, and a desire to make the new family dynamic positive . If the guest list is lengthy you should also invite your former in laws, because these are your children’s grandparents. Of course, if neither of you have children attending, this rule doesn’t apply and the ex’s should probably not be asked to attend.

SEVEN
Make a dashing exit. If there is one part of your ceremony or reception that most everyone will remember as standing apart from the other weddings they have attended, it will be your exit. Discuss this with your groom and decide on something that is decidedly you. Maybe he is into cars and you want to drive off in a classic Porsche. Maybe your family is made up of avid boaters and you want to run down a pier, jump into a ski boat and speed away. Riding into the sunset seated behind your hubby on a chopper is also pretty cool, as is being whisked away aboard a helicopter while your guests cheer you on. Whatever you choose make it you and make it exciting and memorable. Running through a stream of sparklers is fine, but how many times have you seen that?

Channing Elisabeth Estell is a freelance writer who resides in Oxford, AL. Her work has appeared in various newsstand publications. She is the daughter of writer/Publisher, Will Estell.